Diaries of an Exile
by Shiguya Retomasi
Summary: After being banished for her crimes, Azarus was forced to survive in the hellish wastes of the north. Though she had someone along to help her survive, the pain of her crimes still haunted her. This is her diary from that time. Rated T for language. enjoy


Diaries of an exile

Disclaimer: all characters, places, and recognized names are copy write their respective owners. Anything else is mine, so please don't be a thief, Shadowbane doesn't appreciate it.

_April 12:_

_Hell, that's what this place feels like; a frozen wasteland that desires nothing more than to kill all foolish enough to try and survive here. I count myself lucky for two reasons: First off, William allowed me to bring this diary with me, giving me a medium to let my thoughts and feelings out. Though, I do wonder if he did it simply to use it against me… NO! I can't allow myself to think like that. I just hope he can forgive me… for everything._

_The second reason I consider myself lucky is that Karakof was sent with me; he may be giving me the silent treatment, but a friendly face in this desolate land goes a long way. There's no way I could survive out here alone without him, I would have been doomed to freeze; to die alone in this unforgiving land. Maybe that's why he was sent along… to make sure I live, but wasn't I exiled for life? I've asked him about this, but he just acts deaf; so screw it. Now, I wish that my mind hadn't been so preoccupied with Williams' harsh words; he said something about how long I was to stay here, but I didn't catch it. The cold, angry look he gave me when he left us here still burns at my heart. What have I done? It's not wise to dwell on these thoughts… but I can't escape them. The look of anger and pain in his eyes will haunt me for years to come, I'm sure of it. If only… If only I could go back, stop myself from losing control… maybe I wouldn't be here…_

_On a nicer note, we found a cave to stay in; thank God Karakof knows this area. There's a small village a few miles from where we're holed up, though, the trail is iced over most of the time. I'm sure that if the cold or some wild predator doesn't finish me off up here that damned road will. But, such, is the fate of an exile, isn't it? To be banished to a far corner of the world, far away from those you wronged; out of sight and out of mind… the only thing remotely good about this area is that it's spring; meaning that it's not nearly as cold as it gets around here; small comfort though. I don't even know how to hunt in the snow; so I have to rely on my silent guard to help me survive out here._

_Though, it may just be the cold trying to steal what little will to live I have left in me or not, sleep calls. To sleep… to enter a world of bliss where I can momentarily escape the nightmare that is living… an escape from the bitter truth: that I may have lost my only shot at the one I love with all my heart…_

_April 13:_

_Nearly froze to death last night. We headed back into the village early in the day, I was guessing so Karakof could go and drink for a while. Imagine my surprise when he motioned me to follow him into a small shop. I followed him, though, it still seemed odd that he would be purchasing anything, seeing as I doubted that he would be sticking around for much longer. Guess wonders will never cease; seems like he actually cared that I had nearly died from the cold and was now haggling with the shopkeeper over a large Ursaring skin blanket and a few flint stones. Too bad I had no clue what they were saying; both of them were speaking in some foreign language. Come to think of it, I've heard Karakof talking to William in that same language… no matter what I do, no matter what I think about, his face… his eyes still haunt me… those soft gray eyes, staring at me with such cold hatred… how can I go on like this…? God, I've got to stop thinking about that, I must move on from it!_

_Later in the day, Karakof started my lessons on hunting in this snowy land. It's really hard to do; seeing as my black fur sticks out like a sore paw against such a white backdrop. It doesn't help matters when your teacher refuses to speak to you; the bastard only uses gestures and a few grunts to convey what he wants me to do. I swear if he wasn't the only hope I had to survive out here, so help me I would tear him apart. Even so, what he did convey to me has been extremely helpful; you have to rely on speed and maneuvering when camouflage is useless; lucky for me that Snorunt are pretty slow, I know for a fact that there's no way I could keep up with anything much faster. Snorunt meat tastes odd; kinda has the taste of meat that has been freezer burned; but, when you're hungry and have no other choice, you can't be too picky. I did want to keep the little critters parka to sleep under, but Karakof took it back down into the village and traded it in. Oh well, guess there's next time._

_I never knew how beautiful a even a small fire could be until earlier this night; the low burning flames radiating blessed heat through our small cave, driving away some of the bitter cold night air. We cooked what was left of the day's catch over the small fire. God, the smell of roasting meat was nice; it makes my mouth water even now to think about it. We dried out what was left over for later; you never know what the next day is going to bring… William always taught us that… it hurts to think about it, yet my mind keeps going back to it… never letting me escape the pain… maybe this is my fate; to always be haunted by what I have done… to never be freed of the guilt. Anyway, might as well get some sleep now seeing as tomorrow is another hellish day in this wasteland._

_April 14:_

_God, I never knew how nice it felt to sleep under a blanket until now. I thanked Karakof for the blanket; all the bastard did was grunt in acknowledgment though. Still thinking about getting him back for the silent treatment, but, enough of my griping. Hunting lessons went much better today; I actually caught my first prey on my own, though I did luck out that it tripped over a rock. Hell, I aint complaining; food is food. The variety of Pokèmon that somehow manage to survive out here is sparse; so far we've only encountered Snorunt, Teddiursa and a few Ursaring, though the last one we ran from._

_No matter how much time I have to spend here, I'll never like it; the barren wasteland is devoid of any warmth, even the air seems to carry the lingering wisps of hatred… much like Williams' eyes that day… that fateful day… God damnit, I need to stop thinking about it. No matter how much I think about it, nothing will change the fact that I betrayed him… used him to fulfill my own selfish fantasies. If only… if only I could do it over again… maybe… maybe this wouldn't be my fate… to live with the guilt… to live within this cold hell… both inside and out…_

_But, enough of my self-pity. Hopefully soon Karakof will stop giving me the silent treatment and say something more than a few grunts now and then. He's always been a quiet one, keeping to himself a lot; but this is different. It's as if something about this place is affecting him; bringing back reminders of his past. I tried prying the information out of him, but, he simply pretended to be deaf until I stopped asking. I just wanted to know a bit more about my teacher/guardian, but no; he has to be the strong silent asshole type. I'm still considering taking what I can and making a run south, but what would that prove, huh? I don't even really know where I am, have no real reliable way of communication with humans, and even if I did it's doubtful that I could understand them anyway. It does feel good to have a way to vocalize it though, seeing as that smartass can't read very well._

_Oh well, simply being able to vent my frustrations out in a controlled manner really feels good; maybe I can even confront and defeat the demons of my recent past haunting me through this diary, maybe even moving on from them… but what would the point be? No matter what I do… no matter what I write… nothing will change the fact that I may have lost the only one I have ever loved… William… I'm sorry…_

_April 15:_

_Not much of real interest happened today. Hunting was pretty successful; I managed to take down a few Snorunt on my own, enough to have something to eat for a few days in case hunting is lean. Now that I think about it, there was that really creepy Absol that came onto me; thank God Karakof was there to help drive him off. Damnit, I am not that kind of female; I am NOT about to let some strange male get on top of me simple because he finds my attractive. No… the one I want is William… though he may never have any feelings in return for me… not after what I've done to him…_

_Enough of that for now. Karakof actually said something more than grunts and gestures today; though it wasn't directed at me. It felt kinda good to hear him tell that pushy Absol off, though now I wonder what he would have tasted like. Heh, turning the predator into the prey, how's that for turning the tables? I swear here and now, that if he ever tries coming onto me again, or anyone else out here for that matter, I will personally kill and eat them. God, Karakof is really rubbing off on me now; from what I've heard, that's how Sneasel females are, especially in these parts. Oh well, kill or be killed is the only law you follow out here._

_Karakof tried explaining how to use flint stones to spark a fire, but simple grunts and gestures don't exactly go far when trying to explain something that complex. I do get the gist of it, but, the concept is still strange. How you can create a warm fire simply by striking rocks together, or in his case by smashing your claws against a rock still baffles me. Though, it does remind me of some of the stories… William had with him when he was teaching me to read and write… I miss those days… when things were simple. Those long nights together… often falling asleep next to each other… I miss those days of innocence… those days I wasn't haunted by the look of anger… hatred for what I had done… burning in his soft gray eyes… William…_

_April 16:_

_Quiet day. That bastard Absol hasn't dared to show his face yet; too bad, I really could use a good fight right about now. Other than that, it was dull. Hunting hasn't been too bad, though I am really getting tired of eating the same thing day after day. What can you do though? _

_April 17:_

_Headed back down into the Village again today. That bastard left me to wait around for him while he got loaded up at the bar; jokes on him though, I wandered off and found myself a bite to eat while he was getting wasted. He finally emerged hours later, definitely not as drunk as I would have expected but still pretty far gone. God, his fur stunk like a distillery. I'm making a note here for later reference; never let him get drunk too late in the day, there's no way I would be able to sleep through that smell. Though, on the bright side, he actually spoke to me, though, it was pretty slurred. Oh well, it was nice to hear a friendly voice that I could understand for once. He started going on about something called the KGB, but I just passed it off as the alcohol affecting his brain. Kinda like that day… Thanos got William drunk for the first time… back then… why didn't I make my love known then… maybe if I had… this never would have happened… Arrgh, I really have to stop this. Feeling sorry for myself isn't going to solve anything._

_God I hate the trail back to our small cave. It's hard enough to stay standing by yourself on the slick ice, but having to support that drunken bastard is worse. In the morning, I plan on making sure he knows that he owes me for hauling him up here. Thankfully, he can tolerate the cold much better than I can; which is a good thing seeing as there is no way in hell that I would let him sleep under the blanket smelling like that. Though, his inebriation did have a slight positive effect; I figured out what he was trying to tell me about starting a fire with those stones he bought. It's pretty easy really; just strike one against the other and hope the resulting spark catches. Heh, I have the upper paw on Karakof though; unlike him, I can levitate them directly over the wood without worrying about setting myself on fire. Manipulation of a psychic attack… the same thing that… NO! I will not let myself start feeling sorry for myself any more! I have to move on from it._

_Well, I'll write some more tomorrow. I have to stop Karakof from setting himself on fire right now._

_April 18:_

_This morning was a pain in the ass. Karakof had a hangover from the day before, meaning that I was on my own for finding breakfast. Oh well, might as well get used to it now. All in all, it wasn't a bad day after that; stuck near the cave most of the day, though a lustful Sneasel kept coming onto Karakof. Thankfully, he was sober enough to drive her away, but not after I had to smack him a few times to force him to his senses. God it felt good to smack him around, even though it was to sober him up. He went back to his silent treatment, much to my annoyance; but the jokes on him. His rambling last night gave me the dirt on him, so if he tries anything I can get him into deep shit. Heh, that should show him to never mess with me. Though, now I wonder what Sneasel is like… I've already been here too long._

_On a similar note, that Absol hasn't dared come around yet. Too bad, I really could use the challenge; simply chasing down Snorunt and the occasional Delibird gets boring after a while. But, as an old human saying goes "beggars can't be choosers." That stuck with me because it was in one of the stories William and I used to read together… before… before I betrayed him. I have to move on from that. But how? How can I move on from hurting the one I love? Maybe I'll come up with something in the morning, but for now, sleep calls._

_April 19:_

_Nearly was killed today. Damned Ursaring attacked us while we were hunting in the morning. Thank God Karakof was there; there's no way in hell I could have beaten that thing on my own. On the plus side, we now have something different to eat for a few days before it goes bad. Add to that Karakof skinned the thing and took it into the village to sell. _

_Had my first experience with something called vodka today. By the smell, it must have been the same stuff Karakof was drinking a few days ago; and it tastes even worse than it smells. I only tried it because Karakof kept encouraging me to, and he wouldn't have left me alone until I did. Nearly gagged at the first sip. Though, after I choked it down, he seemed to respect me a bit more; guess trying that awful drink is some sort of initiation, seeing as he actually will speak to me and not grunt and gesture any more. Strange stuff… though, it does warm you up pretty good._

_We made pretty good money on that Ursaring skin, enough to purchase a decent meal and have some left over for drinking. Most of that time is pretty blurry, I think I had just a bit too much of that stuff; but, once you start it's hard to stop. I don't even know how we got back to our cave. God, even now my head feels like a Tyranitar is using it as a drum. Note; definetly stop drinking after a few shots. I don't even want to know what I said or did after my memory blacks out; though, I may ask anyway in the morning._

_Karakof picked up a bit of herbal medicine that is suppose to help, but so far I still feel like shit. Oh well, this horrible feeling is worth having someone that will actually talk to you instead of grunting, gesturing, and sometimes feigning deafness. I'm going to stop now because my head feels like it's about to split in two._

_April 20:_

_Finally got my revenge on that would-be suitor. The creepy bastard came around mid-morning, thinking that I had changed my mind. Oh I changed my mind all right; I didn't just kill and eat him, I tore his crotch apart first. How's that for changing my mind? Bastard. Stuck his head on a stake near our cave as a warning: I AM NOT INTERESTED! Karakof protested until I shot him a nasty look. Heh, guess I still have it. On a side note, Absol is pretty stringy; though, it may have been the fact that the bastard wasn't exactly well fed; my guess is that he was just kicked out of his pack and looking for a quick score._

_Too bad that was the peak of the day's events. Not much to do right now; most of the smaller Pokèmon in the area have wised up and are now avoiding this area, meaning that we have to trek out farther to find food. _

_Karakof dropped a bombshell earlier tonight; seems that my exile isn't permanent; I'm stuck out her for only a few more days. I managed to keep a straight face, but my heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I heard that. I still have a chance to make things right with William. I don't know what I'll say to him, though, is there anything I can say? Maybe… maybe I should simply tell him the truth. Tell him everything, everything I've been thinking and feeling… well, everything minus taking that Absols' male hood before killing him. But, that one stays between me and Karakof if he doesn't want his secrets to accidentally slip out._

_But, what if William is still angry with me? What if he's only retrieving me to formally exile me? Whatever happens, I know in my heart I will never stop loving him. Even that manipulating, lying, scheming bitch Kitsu can't change that. If she even thinks for a second about coming between me and William, so help me…oh what's the use? He may still hate me and want nothing to do with me. All I can do is tell him the truth and ask for his forgiveness. Well, sleep is calling me._

_April 21:_

_That lustful Sneasel came around again. She didn't stick around long after seeing my 'warning' staring blankly at her. Heh, never knew a Sneasel could run that fast. But, onto the important matters of the day. I managed to find a way to sneak up on prey rather than run myself ragged chasing them; all you have to do is pack a bit of snow along your fur and wait. It's damned cold to do so, but it beats running after your target. Surprised even Karakof with that one, but not as bad as that Teddiursa I took down. Its mother tried to take me on, but a quick telekinetic snap of its neck and problem solved. Hauled that one down to the village and bartered it off with Karakofs' help. I have so much to tell Shadowbane when I return… if I return that is. We made a pretty good amount on selling that Ursaring carcass; seems that its meat and fur is quite sought after there; though the shopkeeper was a bit reluctant to continually do business with a Pokèmon. I considered scaring the man into agreeing, but that wasn't necessary. Too bad, might have been fun to show the human some unholy terrors. Blew the money I made drinking again; hopefully this doesn't become something I get addicted to. The high I get from it is nice, but the headaches are too much._

_Only five days until William comes to retrieve us. My stomach gets into knots every time I think about it. I still worry that he will still hate me, but that's a possibility I have to prepare for. I know what must be done in any case; I have to come clean about everything; I just hope that he will understand. It's all worked out; once we return, I'll try and get him alone and tell him everything. His cold gaze still burns at my heart, but the pain is slowly going away. Maybe… maybe I still have a shot at him. And if that bitch tries to interfere, I swear that I'll find a way to make her pay!_

_April 22:_

_Oh God, what was I thinking last night? Making written threats to a ghost. I must have been really drunk. Oh well, it's not like she'll ever read this, and if she does, oh well. I don't regret anything I've written in here… well, maybe all the self-pity, but that's all. I'm starting to sound like Thanos now; desiring nothing but to protect the one I love from all others. I miss them. Cerberus and his blunt nature; if he had an opinion, he would simply say it; though it did get him into a lot of trouble with Padfoot. Padfoot: with her charming ways she could put a smile on anyone's' face. Thanos and his utter devotion to Shadowbane; he would do anything for her, even though she didn't see that at first. Witchhazel and her blind devotion to William; never saw her as a rival, though. Shadowbane; God I miss gossiping with her. She had the dirt on most of the family. I even miss Kenya; though her hyperactive moments are something I can live without. And Dracoris… God I miss him the most. What I did hurt him almost as much as it did William; though it hurt him because he had to watch as his 'mother' was exiled. If only I had thought about whom my actions were hurting… God, here I go again, feeling sorry for myself. The fact is that I did it and I have to suffer the consequences._

_Whatever that herb blend is, it really helps. I really hope that I don't get addicted to drinking; I doubt my brain could handle it. Even now my head still hurts a bit; though nothing like this morning. Oh well, such is the justice of dabbling in human concoctions, isn't it? On a similar note, hunting with a headache sucks. Still managed to take down a large Delibird, but not without its consequences. I'm still nursing the wound that it gave me when I attacked. Note to self; definitely respect the bird Pokèmon in the future, those things really put up a fight._

_It's been really cold lately; even Karakof can't take it. We had to huddle under the blanket together last night. Nothing happened of course; just a pair of dark Pokèmon trying to survive the cold. And if he did try anything, he knows what would have happened. Which reminds me, another Absol came around today; this one was quite a bit older than the creepy bastard before him. He didn't say anything, simply kept his distance and watched me for a bit before running off into the snow again. Guess he knew better than to mess with me; I wouldn't have hesitated to kill him for an instant. Though, if he even breathes wrong, his ass is mine. Well, seeing as the fire is dying down, I'll call it a night._

_April 23:_

_That old Absol came around again today. He came a little closer this time; guess he's testing the waters before making a move. I wonder what healthy Absol tastes like… heh, maybe tomorrow I'll get to find out. Just hope that my 'warning' doesn't attract the wrong kind of attention. On a side note; the cold makes for an excellent preserver, some of the fur and the skin on that head are still hanging on, creating a pretty grim totem. That's what he gets for coming onto me; and that's the fate of anyone else that tries that here; no matter what species._

_Hunting was pretty meager today; guess the cold streak this area has been experiencing drove most of the prey under for a while. Thankfully we have our dried stores, though that stuff is pretty rancid by now. We ate what was still digestible before having to pitch the rest; it sucks to waste food, but I'd rather go hungry than get sick. Used what little money we had left to purchase some trail rations. God how any living thing can stand to eat that stuff is beyond me. But, when you're hungry you can't be picky. Karakof tried to coax me into heading to the bar again, but no way in hell was I going to drink again this soon; my head still hurts a bit from last time._

_Only two more days until William picks us up; even thinking about that makes my heart skip a beat. I don't even care if he's mad at this point; simply seeing him in real life again and not in my dreams is something I can't wait for. Maybe he won't be mad anymore. Maybe he will forgive me. Though only time will tell, the thought is enough to make waiting bearable. Might as well go to sleep now, God it feels good to let these feelings out. I should have been doing this a long time ago._

_April 24:_

_Tomorrow is the big day; the day William comes to pick us up. Karakof gave me the details, though some of it was pretty hard to understand. What I got from it was that we only have a one-hour window that he will wait for us before leaving. If we miss him, he will return the next day at the same time. No danger of me missing him the first time though, I don't even know if I can sleep knowing that soon I will see the love of my life again. It doesn't matter to me anymore; as long as I can tell him how I feel, nothing else matters. I'd gladly endure another year of this place just to have a few minutes alone with him._

_Guess who showed up again? That same old Absol. This time though, he attacked instead of staring at us. Guess the creepy bastard I killed and ate was his son or something; didn't really hear much of what he said as he tried to tear me to ribbons. Something about having your life threatened makes it hard to listen. God, I'll probably have the scars from that fight for life; but I killed him. Turns out Absol just are that stringy. Offered some to Karakof, but he just turned a bit green and left, muttering something I didn't catch. Wonder what his problem is, it's just another kill, isn't it?_

_Scaredy-mon returned a few hours later after I had polished off my meal. God, I still don't know how I finished the whole thing. Oh well, I'll work it off later, but for now I might as well turn in early seeing as tomorrow is the day William comes for us. Oh, just thinking about it makes me feel good again. Even if he doesn't forgive me, just telling him how I feel will be a relief; I can stop living a lie. No matter what happens, my heart will always be reserved for him alone… William._

_April 25:_

_God, I couldn't even look at him in the face when Karakof and I were picked up today. I thought that my fear was dealt with, but seeing him in the flesh again brought it all back. Maybe… maybe I'm destined to always live in fear like this; too scared to admit my feelings to the one I love. I have to pull myself together, but I don't know how. I can hear exactly what I want to say in my mind, but when I look at him it simply vanishes. I hate this feeling, and yet it haunts me, no matter what I do. I've been slinking out of the room any time he enters, just being close to him hurts. I did look him in the eye once, and the look he gave me haunts me worse than the look of anger and hatred he gave me those weeks ago. This time, his eyes were filled with sadness and pain, as if what I did haunted him the same way they haunts me, but how can that be? I'm the one who violated his body… his trust. Why would he feel any sadness for the one who would do such things to him?_

_On a slightly brighter note, it feels good to have Shadowbane to talk with again; though she's pretty reserved around me now. Not that I blame her, after what I did, I'm lucky she will even speak to me. Guess my actions had a much deeper impact than I feared. Not only have I hurt the one I love, I've also alienated myself from my friends. Maybe in time they will trust me again, but for now it seems that I'm still an exile; someone not to be trusted or spoken of. To be truthful, this seems a much better fate than I deserve; I've read a few stories about human/Pokèmon intercourse cases, and every one ends with the Pokèmon being killed. Guess I'm lucky that William can't stand those types of people, nor can he take humans killing Pokèmon for reasons other than self-defense or food._

_Maybe tomorrow I can muster up enough courage to tell William everything… hopefully before he decides to exile me permanently, just in case I lose control again. That would never happen, but it's not like he knows that. _

_April 26:_

_Nope; couldn't do it again today. William tried to corner me and ask a few questions, but my fear took over and I slipped away. God, if this keeps going on I may lose him. My need to tell him is burning a hole through me, but I just can't… I can't face that look of disgust I keep seeing in my mind's eye every time I think about what I would say. Every time he looks at me… I can feel it… his eyes looking directly into me… searching for something… God, it reminds me too much of how that bitch Kitsu looks at people. Though, unlike her, there's a bit of warmth to it… maybe I haven't lost my chance completely._

_On a happier note, I'm no longer being ignored or shied away from as much. Guess Karakof stood up for me or something, seeing as everyone else doesn't have a reason to suddenly have a change of attitude. I asked him, but he was too absorbed in his damned laptop to even notice me; so screw it. Even Kenyas' normal hyper activeness is a welcome relief; though she can get a bit annoying after a while. I had forgotten how nice sleeping in a warm building can be, but I still sleep in the gardens; it just doesn't feel right yet. I have to make amends with William before I go that far. Luckily, I'm not alone out here. Dracoris is lying next to me under the blanket; guess he couldn't handle staying up this late. Oh well, his presence is comforting at least. It's nice to have someone near you; to know that even though I've wronged so many, there still is someone that likes being around me. Even though he's adopted, I'll always treat him as if he were my biological son._

_Sadly enough, some of the things that bastard Karakof taught me are coming in handy, though it pains me to admit it. Started a small fire for warmth, even though the cool April air here is nothing like the hellish winds I've recently experienced. My only worry is that some of the others might think that I would do something inappropriate to Dracoris, but there's no chance of that. Even if I didn't see him as a son, I'm reserving myself for William and William alone._

_April 27:_

_Today was the single best day in my life, though it started out like the others. William finally managed to pin me down with Dracoris' help and he started questioning me. I tried to answer, but the only thing I could do was run… run from the pain. Needless to say I ran toward the only place I felt safe; this quiet hollow a few miles away from the main mansion I discovered one day. It's a nice place to simply relax and reflect on things. I should have figured William would know about it as well, seeing as he was already there when I arrived. I wanted to run away again, but something inside me told me to stay. Needless to say, I broke down and told him everything. I felt so stupid… pining after someone all these years that didn't even notice. I felt like crying so badly, but I held together. I shed enough tears before and it was time to stop. When I had finished pouring my heart out to him, he surprised me by not calling me a fool; rather, he seemed to be saddened even more by it. Guess losing his former mate had left a deeper scar than he let on._

_He teleported us back to the mansion so I could be his "test subject." I thought that he wanted someone to try some new attacks on, but imagine my surprise when it turned out to be something much nicer. His paws were so soft… gentle caressing every inch of my body… his warm breath tickling the back of my neck… oh, he has no idea how nice it felt… his body weight pressing against my shoulder blades… soft fur like silk … just thinking about it sends shivers through my body… God I hope he does that again some time… it was so nice… so relaxing… so passionate… God, I never knew some of the muscles William relaxed even existed until now. I swear here and now that I will learn how he did that and return the favor… well, if he wants me to. I also swear upon my life that I will NEVER let myself lose control and do anything to him unless he says it's okay._

_All I remember after that ,is being in a sleep like state; his massage had relaxed me so much that my body felt like it was liquid. God, how I even made it down the stairs without falling still… hey! Thanos and Shadowbane were spying on us. Rrgh, I'll have to get them for that… even though it is kinda funny. Oh well, I'll think of something. But, back to nicer thoughts… I wonder… what else is William so good at…? Heh, maybe if things work out right, I'll find out. Though, I shouldn't get ahead of myself like that, we only took the first steps today. It's kind of strange, thinking in terms of a human rather than a normal Pokèmon; out in the wild, if you like someone you just go for it. Though, William definitely doesn't think like that. He asked me out on a date; such a strange concept, but I kinda like the idea of it. Going out alone with the one you love seems nice, maybe we can go for a walk out on a moonlit beach; I've always wanted to do that. Wonder what he has planned… tried asking him, but he just gave me a cryptic answer, before coming up with some excuse to leave. I'll get it out of him somehow… _

_Well, sleep calls, so I'll leave it off here. God, who knew things would turn out like this? Even though I did those things to him, he still wants to try and forge a relationship with me. I just hope that meddling Bitch doesn't have anything to do with this; I want him to love me because he wants to, not because someone is manipulating things that way._

_Azarus Ketchum_


End file.
